| recorded dream |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|09:34 am] |
Last night I found a site through stumble that talked about remembering your dreams.
The big point that stuck with me was to tell yourself you are going to remember your dream and then record it when you wake up.
Ages ago my mother gave me a take recorder with a microphone on it and I drug in up from is grave in a box that was packed almost a year ago and I have yet to unpack it.
So I ended up dreaming about dreaming and how I had to record it on my tape recorder but I kept having problems remember anything. However, I did remember the dream when I woke up. I would say it was an ironic dream. |
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| lifes good |
[Dec. 13th, 2007|10:12 am] |
I'm here, sitting at three friends. I'm sitting on their computer.
its winter. x-mas is on its way.
my roommate Diana got a kitten and its the cutest thing i've seen since i was 6 years old.
I have a wish.
i wish to have more evening time things to do besides bars/drinking.
partly because of money and partly because bars are very uncreative places.
so the plan is meet at Brett's for dinner on Wednesday with friends and get the idea ball rolling and see if we can start making things to do for ourselves.
there really is no reason we can't start doing non-bar fun things.
last week all i did was sleep, eat, sleep, drive, sleep, have sex, and drink beer.
i started feel a little odd. thats when i realized i'm having the best week off i've very had in my life.
oh god. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|11:47 am] |
i just got done making a short movie.
i feel weird about the whole thing.
it was very draining.
lets see how it turns out.
i still haven't seen the footage yet.
Dusty |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|01:28 pm] |
Hello,
My name is Dusty. I am 23 years old, non-smoker, and I drinks socially. I work as a freelance PA in Portland OR. I live in the SE with 3 other people. I like my roommate, I like my job, I’m okay with my car, and my friends are doing okay.
I did meet a woman that I found to be quite lovely. However, she didn’t feel the same way about me. This has been a pain in my hart for the last two week. How, if this is the sole thing I have to worry about I live an awesome life right now.
I am happy, and some times I don’t know how to deal with that. Some times I try to screw things up in my own little way but some how it’s not working. Some how the dump thing I did at the paragon is just not something people want to dwell on. That job I didn’t get because I didn’t try hard enough turns out to be okay because something better came along.
I wrote a script that we are shooting this weekend. It’s not a great script but I think it’s going to turn out to be a pretty cool short movie.
I’m doing well.
I’m meeting my goals.
I'm surviving.
I’m thinking about moving to New York in a year.
In a way it almost feels boring to lack drama and hurt feelings.
In a way I don’t understand how things worked out for me.
They’re not supposed to do that.
I’m excited.
I feel appreciated.
I’m changing into a new person. A person that I want to be and I think I this new me.
I know people from many walks of life. I’ve worked for everything I have.
I am proud of me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2007|07:38 pm] |
There are days where I think to myself that I’m glad with what I’m doing.
Than there I day where I think “jesus Christ, I got to get a day job.”
Right now I’m in Washington working on a catalog that I’ve spent to much time on as it is. Strangely enough this damn thing springs up at the most opportune times for me. One day I’m thinking that I need to find work here pretty soon, or that next check of mine isn’t going to come in in time. That’s when I get a call. My old job has decided they need to update the catalog.
You see a catalog is a strange thing. Its simple enough to do but just complicated enough that you have to have an idea of what your doing. That’s where I come in. I talk a good talk and complain that the photos aren’t good enough so we have to retake them (I really think that). I sound like I know what I’m talking about so they go and buy me supplies to get this done I take the photos (I still hate them but I do what I can to make them look good) and slap some descriptions that’s seemingly it.
However that’s not it. You see, in all of mans computer wonder the one thing that seems to still baffle most people is how to get anything to come out of the printer in an intelligible manner. Its really kind of magic. That’s really my one talent when it comes to computers. Making it print.
That’s actually how I got this odd job. Long time ago I was doing calls for the sales person and one of the other office persons printer hadn’t been working for a few days. It just so happened that I needed to use that printer while they were away from their desk. I found the computer was have a communication problem with the printer and fixed it so I could print out my call sheet and information to prove I did my work for the day.
The person came back as I was finished my print job and asked me how I got the printer to work. I tried to explain but she didn’t get it.
One day later there was another printer problem. She told the person with the printer problem that if you ask Dusty real nicely he’ll fix it for you. He did and I fixed it for him.
Pretty soon I’m fixing every printer problem and the silly little network problems. Then, I’m working on fliers, ad’s, catalogs, and websites. I’m setting up the new network at the new location; I’m working on getting the networks to VPN together over the two locations. I’m setting the new server. I’m buying the new computers.
All this from fixing one printer problem so I could get my job done. As it turns out fixing the printer is a hard thing to do. Also, getting the multi page catalog to line up and look right is a trick of pure magic.
Thank you printer gods.
It keeps me eating.
Dusty |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2007|11:33 am] |
last night i thought i would have a few drinks and my tab ended up being 60 bucks!
to think i didn't even vomit.
i still have plans on taking the church of scientology up on their free test. I think i'll hold off until a slow winter day.
right now i'm listening to the radio and thinking about a girl.
the radio sucks but life is good to me.
Dusty |
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| to day i sat in the park |
[Jul. 31st, 2007|06:39 pm] |
today i sat in the park and thought about death.
I think it was becaus so many people were asking me about almost dieing in the ocean.
today i sat in the park and wrote abut what it was that i got from the whole thing.
today i sat in the park and remembered what it was like to fight for my life.
today i sat in the park and remembered once when i was a boy i almost drown in a pool. I remember breathing in the water and the peace i felt in that water as i looked up to the surface.
i remembered almost dieing as a child, a memory i had long since lock away.
it shocked me, the memory was a clear as what i did last night.
today i thought about death and how i seem to know the feeling to well for a man my age.
death.
its a good reminder that you need to love this time while you have it.
working some shitting job that makes you freak out, stess out, or cry is really a waist. spending your time thinking, wondering, worring, or anything other than taking it all in and just have the time is a waist.
take it from me, which i don't know if you can do, most of everything doesn't matter. i found that in the ocean.
I think i didn't so much get something from the ocean. I rather left so much in the ocean. It can have all those worries, all the hate, and all the anger that i was waisting my time and energy on.
the ocean almost took my life but in doing so became my close friend.
today i sat in the park and enjoyed being in the park with out worries or cares.
today i just sat in the park. |
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| while you were having sex with a younger girl. I wont tell your mom. it would just brake her hart. |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|04:47 pm] |
Dear Adam,
You are never going to believe who I got a call from last night.
As you may remember on Thursday we went to the karaoke club galaxy where those to dance queens asked us for our numbers.
Well on the day of Friday I was talking to Hani about what happened to him at the Galaxy. They woman came up to talk to him. She was from San Fran she liked is “Vibe.” Her friend invited him to sit with them. Coming from Hani the story is very straight forward. Than when the woman he was hitting on left, her friends started going off on him. They were lesbians and they, well you get the hint.
We were eating at Muddy’s next door to Mississippi Pizza. I was just going to bike home and he told me he would drive me. Its about 11 when he drops me off. As I walk up the stairs to my house, my phone rings.
“hello?”
“hello is Dusty there?”
“this is Dusty.”
“Dusty McCord at 502-9881?”
“yeah?”
“well I don’t know if you remember but you met me at the Galaxy last night.”
She invited me to go to some bar on hawthorn with her and her friend. They asked for you too. They wanted Adam to come a long.
Well my bike stopped working on the way there so I decided to walk and by the time I got there they were pretty drunk.
The two girls and a large group of friends all went to play kick ball.
Nikky the girl you talk to and I shared her bike, which was a new experience or me.
All and all it as mostly uncomfortable. 20 people I don’t know.
Kick ball which, I’m not good at, and two girls I can’t talk to any more than I could at the Galaxy.
But they called man. They called.
They haven’t even seen the I SAW U yet.
Dusty. |
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| go fuck off and have a nice day |
[Jul. 26th, 2007|07:22 pm] |
its funny,
it really funny.
cars go away.
don't honk at me.
this morning some freak honked at me on the road while i was traveling up 20th.
i jumped so much i nearly fell off my bike.
it turns out the person just knew me and wanted to say "hi."
well, i'm not going to think to say hi when you're right on top of me, in a big white full sized van, honking your horn.
thanks.
other than that i'm great.
Dusty |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|11:24 pm] |
This weekend I took a trip to the beach.
I took dip in the ocean.
I got caught in the undertow and was pulled out to a place that could have taken my life.
A place where no one has a name. Voices bleed into nothing and the world seems like a memory you can almost see.
A place where very second is millions of memories and millions of thoughts. As I swallowed my own breath and fought to stay above the water. To myself I actually contemplated my death. For a long time I even knew this was the end. The world became bright and I heard the squeal of help and I knew I wasn’t going to keep it up long enough for them to get to me. I knew if I went under they would never find me.
Tamara constantly warning my of the next on coming wave. So I could take a breath. After a while I didn’t have the energy to even take any larger berths as the crippling wave toppled over me. Under water the struggle seemed futile. The air left in my lungs eventually taking me up again. The fear I tried to hide from myself. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. However, what made me really freak out was just how much I really wanted to freak out.
Then two very large wave struck us both. I could see the people watching us from the beach. I just kept moving my arms. Another large wave hit and took me under. My feel hit the sand and part of me couldn’t believe it. Tamara must of seen me stand before I even realized I was doing it because I could hear her ask, “can you feel the ground?”
Another wave hit and I could feel my feet take hold and I spoke “yes.”
Tamara followed shortly after.
As I tried to walk again. my knees where weak and my back ready to give. I just wanted to get out of the water and sleep. I could feel the undertow trying to pull me back again. I could see my friends at the beach and the ambulance. I started to feel like a mouse in a cats trap. The ocean was just giving me a chance to feel a little bit of hope and the undertow would pull me back, now in this weaken state and eat me alive.
I ask myself how I stayed above water with such little energy.
A stanger ran at me and helped me to the beach. Others collected Tamara.
We made it out. Some how it didn’t feel real.
My friends taking me and wrapping me in towels telling me not to sleep.
How did they know I wanted to sleep so bad?
Today I asked the 8 ball if I was really hear or was this a dream from under the water.
It answered with a “yes.”
Some how that was the most comforting thing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|05:54 pm] |
one more day with out smoking.
one more day with a head that doesn't want to be cleared.
one more day where i think to myself this computer is sucking my sole.
its these days that make the whole of the days such a task.
i once had a man tell me i need to live my life in moments.
moments, in moments. in each moment i would re-ask myself if this is what i'm actually trying to do.
in this moment.
sounds like a great plan to live a life.
however, i don't see moments. well i mean i do but i have trouble taking it as a whole.
my mind keeps pushing to see the larger picture, than the larger picture, and the larger picture still.
when i find my self unable to see past the moment i run.
because its the day i live in, the moment i pass through, but its the show i'm trying to see.
i'm not any good at any of it anyway. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2007|01:13 pm] |
so i am still in portland.
the last three days have been a whole lot of nothing.
someting i'm now not used to. what? i have time to watch a whole movie with out thinking of all the things i need to get done?
now its summer time.
i know its time for love but this may be the first time i feel a genral dislike for the word.
girls, hmmmmmmmmmm.
love songs irritate me.
lets just say if i had the choice to take it or leave it.
i've already left it.
those couples out there can enjoy their sweet death. just keep it to yourself.
dusty |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2007|10:15 pm] |
i was on the mercury love lab site tonight.
i deside to look at what the men looked like in the listing.
and a few pages into i find me.
yes it would seem that i posted an ad when i was working at puget sound medical supply.
it took me a little bit to guess my password so i could log into the account and low and behold i have 4 messages.
they were left a few months ago but yes people from the other gender have been tring to contact me.
i don't belive it eather.
they're "flirts" what ever that means, and one voice message from a girl so sounds pretty silly over the message. |
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| i have a new non friend |
[May. 20th, 2007|07:57 pm] |
so on myspace.com i was asked by a stranger if they could be added to my friends list.
i agreed, because i thought i might know them.
than, i found out i didn't know them.
which i find it strang to have non friends in my friends list. its like a lie.
so i wrote her a testimonial that stated
" samara is my close close non-friend.
we get together all the time and watch movies and pillow fight.
we normally watch greese and talk about true love.
oh, i've never had a friend like you.
nope never.
i mean it.
i'm making it all up."
two days later she wrote me a testomnial that stated
"Man....Dusty and I go back real far all the way back to our wild mud filled Woodstock Days of 69! The drugs, the sex, the parties! Man...those were the days! Now I'm 60 with celulite, greying hair, and monthly botox injections....um...that was all made up...I wasn't even born in 1969."
so today i wrote back
"remember that time in 83? i just got out of prison and you and I were driving your old comaro to sacrament? we broke down in Weed California, just passed the border and we ended up the motel by the shell station (which isn't there anymore).
i remember that knife fight in the parking lot. how we cried watching that movie about the transsexual guy on HBO after that bottle of wife and can of sardines.
and the boy that we took care of because he had a problem with the gun you were playing with.
i can't remember if we even made it to Sacramento or if that was the time we ended up in vages with unicyclists clowns.
god those were good times."
now its her move.
the game is on. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2007|07:13 pm] |
Last night I went to the potluck and then to Brett’s party.
Where I stayed until they kicked us out and I hung out on the front porch talking we some people until they told me to get off their porch.
I feel silly but I really was enjoying myself.
This morning is a very lazy Sunday. I have some stuff to get done but I’m focusing on my laundry.
Last night on my walk home from the party. Under the mood light I considered pissing on a church. I took one look at it and decided I’d wait tell I got home.
I thought to myself a little after that moment about what churches mean. To me they are a form of brotherhood and community. They aren’t about the lessons. People go so that can get the update on whets happening in each others lives. They go for a feeling of tradition. They go so they can be informed about local politctal events they should know about. Like the prison they are trying to build into Portland.
The person leading the service, knowing that the people in the community of the church are like minded, offers them the information about this subject because he knows the people will be angered by it. As people, they know that if they all spoke against the subject they will make a difference. The leader has set up a table with the letters they need to fill out to their senator to change the senators mind and they can fill them out and send them in.
On the next meeting he will give a reminder to send them out if they haven’t already. The organization looks after and for the like minded people.
Why can’t we have that kind of organized community power? A secular church for the black sheep. A weekly event where we get together and discuses what’s happening in each others live. Talk about things that are happening that disturb us and inform others of community events.
We wouldn’t have the Jesus serves but we could do other things. Something to open up the talking. Maybe some sort of improv games, playing music, reading poetry. Afterwards, we would take turns informing people what’s happening in our lives and finish it up with important announcements and what we should do about it.
Every week there could be a different leader or every month a new leader to the meetings is chosen.
We could do it over a dinner.
Anyways, that’s what I’ve been thinking about |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2007|10:56 am] |
A sleep now is his stage as the sun makes it old man path through my home.
This is a transition from one scene to the next and I can’t find my calendar book. I need it now more than ever. Get getting hard to keep the days straight. I’m starting to put things off until tomorrow but when tomorrow comes I forget. I need to make some call but I know I forgot half the people I was suppose to call and the people I do remember I don’t feel like calling.
But he is visiting right now and its just one more excuse to not do anything that’s not relaxing. Like going for a bike ride than coming home drinking some vodka and surfing on the internet.
I shot a live show a two weeks ago from now. I just watched the footage last night and the sound is bad. I’m not impressed with myself. I’m converting the file to DVD format. Its been going for more than 30 minutes and its only at 10%.
I’m going to get some coffee while the sun still likes me. My friend isn’t awake but I have a feeling I could go get coffee and come back before he wakes.
Its early but I wish it was earlier still.
Say hello to your friend for me. Tell them how much I would like to meet them. Oh and can you give them my card? |
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